Everything Wrong With Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
by PilloTheStarplestian
Summary: This is a Cinemasins style parody script for The third modern Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. There's a LOT of sins in here. Better bust out the cheese balls.


Everything Wrong With: Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

\- Cheesy and unfunny play on words in the title spells bad news for me. AGAIN. 1

\- I understand that music is one of the main focus points of this franchise, but does every movie in this series have to open with a licensed song cover? 2

\- Dave must have an arms-length distance rule between the boys and the girls, as that is the only explanation I can fathom for why the Chipettes are riding Dave's luggage while Simon and Theodore just awkwardly skip alongside, especially since Theodorehates chasing luggage. 3

\- Dave must be unable to see bright colors. Otherwise, he'd immediately notice that the rodent wearing a bright red sweater was missing, no head count needed. 4

\- Also, this may look like they're playing around in an abnormal way that no one ever does, but it's really just so the animators can really rub in the gradually improving animation. 5

\- There is no way he did all of that before the others even got to the boat. 6

\- It wouldn't matter what age he is, 8 inch tall rodents can't use human-sized gliders. 7

\- Adult tells troublemaker to follow the rules. It falls on deaf ears. I can already see where this movie is going.8

\- Your middle name is "rules"? As in "Alvin Rules"? No, it's not. And no, you don't. I thought your middle name was "asshole". Which reminds me- (Adds the "Alvin is an Asshole counter, *= Alvin is an Asshole) *1

\- (Alvin skates through) MOVE, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY. (Unfortunately, this licensed song isn't in the movie.) *2

\- I'm no physicist, but these speeds are not achievable by sliding on body oil through his own power. Alvin is an asshole for making me think about physics. *3

\- Unnecessary stunt double. 9

\- Just, this whole conglomerate of scenes. ( *x5) *8

\- Dave chases Alvin as if he's an unwelcome pest, rather than a misbehaving son. That's bad parenting.10

\- Creepy foreshadowing is creepy. 11

\- None of these rowdy people attempt to grab the unguarded famous singing rodents and keep them as pets. 12

\- At this point, I no longer care that they're singing licensed songs. That's a given. But this particular song started playing while the Chipettes were oil-skating and clearly not singing, but later on in the song, theyare the ones singing it. I don't see how that works, and I don't care to find out. I'm just gonna sin it. 13

\- I don't even care that he barged in on the Chipettes' spotlight. Alvin's rapping is boring, and that makes him an asshole. *9

\- (ALVIIIN!) Roll a portion of the credits. 14

\- The audience was never really told what Dave's other rules were, so I don't know if Dave's overreacting or if Alvin is being an asshole again. What, you expect me to see implications? Forget it! I'll just sin both sides and move on. 15, *10

\- For the record, he IS a child. A deformed freak of Hades, but still a child. 16

\- The furries aren't gonna go nuts over this. 17

\- Also, this isn't just a garbage parody of a song. This is a garbage parody of more garbage that pretends to be a song, and further proof that the Chipettes are only here for wider song variety, furry butt shaking, and the she's vote. 18

\- Brittany's personality has gone from "humble, happy, eager go-getter" to "bitchy, bossy, conceited diva" in a span of 2 movies. Hollywood changes people, unless you're her two sisters, who are, more or less, the same as they were before. 19

\- It's good she has a personality now, but compared to her original 80's incarnation, new Brittany is boring. 20

\- These chipmunks can put on a near stellar concert performance with instruments and choreography and everything, but they can't operate a TV remote without parental help. 21

\- Oh Theodore, you adorable little butterball you. I'm willing to kick off a sin because you're just so damn adorable. 20

Okay, now you're just trying too hard.

\- Dammit movie, that's the second time Alvin has referenced James Bond in this trilogy. I bet the 4th movie is gonna be called 007: MI-Chip; The World Is Not A Nut. *11

\- If there are more english-speaking anthropomorphic rodents on this luxury cruise ship for you to get in with, because you sure aren't seducing any human women, I'd say that you are lucky. And I don't believe in luck. Luck is for assholes. *12

\- It's not Spongebob Squarepants product placement,that's what's wrong with it. 21

\- Alvin is an asshole to Theodore. *13

\- He's lucky that a horror movie was only one channel up. Otherwise, Alvin would look stupid scrolling through channels for 3 minutes. 22

\- Chipmunk see, chipmunk do. 23

\- Did you know that some humans say "owwah" even though they weren't hurt at all? Those humans are less likely to be taken seriously when diagnosed with cancer. 24

\- Finally, a correct reaction. 25

\- Oh Eleanor, you adorable little cheese cake you. I'm willing to kick a sin under its shoe because you're just so damn adorable. 24

\- Daniela Monet. 25

\- Oh, I don't care. 26

\- Yours are fake, mine are real. Is this a females only thing that I'm not supposed to understand? Eww! Rabies! 27

\- This dance contest is okay, despite its side of fries part in the story. More accurately, the Chipettes' half is okay. It looks like it was hard to animate, and actually came across fairly smoothly. I'll knock three sins for it.24

\- Then I'll put those sins right into the Alvin is an Asshole counter because he managed to find a furry-cub loving woman to seduce, and eventually mount.*16

\- Don't you just hate it when a 5 foot tall pelican spills hot broth on your junk? 25

\- Coincidence ex-machina. I say ex-machina because, despite his decrease in character direction, David Cross' character Ian is still the most comedic thing in this movie. He spontaneously comes to my rescue as an annoyed viewer with his delightful passive-aggressive antics. After that speech, I'm not sure whether to add or subtract a sin. So I'll just assume that Alvin did another asshole thing while he was off-screen and sin that instead. *17

\- Funny, but the mere mention of Bieber gets you 55 additional sins, baby. 80

\- Freaky antagonist exit is freaky. And stupid, since he can't see where he's going. 81

\- These dimensions are not correct for making a functioning dress. Then again, Eleanor must have realized this and scrapped the original fabric, as none of the Chipettes are wearing a pink skirt. 82

\- Oh hah, he's running in place. 83

\- No, you can't. Spam-filled fan pages, sure. But not the actual chipmunk. Unless he meant... Dammit Justin Long! Stop promoting yourself! 84

\- Robbage is not a word. The correct pronunciation is pillaging. 85

\- I'd say that Simon would be good at Cinemasins, but all he did was parrot back what I just said. 86

\- Jason Lee's interest level has reached an all time low. He sounds so bored, it's distracting. I suppose I would be too if I had to be constantly called back to shout hoarsely at plush dolls, but I still expect more from B minus list actors, even in C minus movies! 87

\- I understand that it's hard to come up with original jokes these days. All the good ones have pretty much been taken. But that doesn't excuse Simon's awful pun or worse delivery. 88

\- Enter romantic subplot. It was bound to happen at some point. 89

\- (Alvin taunts Brittany) *18

\- Hesitation on timing is hesitational. And hesitational is another new word I can mail to Webster's Dictionary for approval. 'Robbage, and 'pilchering' didn't work out.90

\- Cheesy and unfunny play on words! However, I wont sin it because Brittany's face is priceless!

\- Look, I love me some donuts, and I'm indifferent to kites. But even I wouldn't make this trade for the sake of a fat boy joke. 91

\- I may be a jerk to sin Simon for being a good sibling and friend, but I don't care. He's an enabler and a pushover. The other five rodents deserved to float away, and you stopped justice! 92

\- Simon is 5 times stronger than everyone else, which makes him the repressed nerd, the voice of reason,and the jock. Know your role, Simon! 93

\- This kite is 5 times stronger than Simon, which makes it a load of bull-spit. Know your role, reality-pushing kite! 94

\- Seriously, this kite is a mc'guffin. The story would have been over a lot sooner had the chipmunks just let go of the damn string! Instead, we must have a bigger conflict than "Alvin is an asshole to everyone". 95

\- Unnecessary stunt double. 96

\- Jason Lee's reaction when the director told him his pay was being cut to make up for the cost of the island set we'll see later. 97

\- Your pets are in danger. Just ignore that pelican with a human head. 98

\- (laughs and removes a sin) 97

\- (In retrospect, this was a bad idea...) That should be the description on the back of this movie's DVD case.98

\- Could Theo resort to cannibalism? This would be a more interesting movie if that happened. 99

\- Book smart, but void of common sense. Jeanette should be voiced by Jim Parsons. 100

\- Wild island ex-machina, and making this movie about the overused deserted island trope. Next movie:Chipmunks in Space! 101

\- As much as I wanna see that, the PG rating won't allow bloody murder scenes. Besides, you'd still be on that boat had you just adhered to shuffleboard like Dave suggested. After you kill him, you should commit suicide a la Chris Benoit. 102

\- You. SUCK. Simon. 103

\- How do you figure that? I doubt the coast guard would care if he was told that some jobber lost 6 talking rodents at sea. 104

\- Oh Theodore, you adorable little fat-ass you. I'm gonna eat a sin because of your adorable fat-assery.103

\- Chuck E' Cheese would like to have a word with you.104

\- That's disgusting. 105

\- Wild island ex-machina. And from the looks of it, you were swimming in the opposite direction for a while before noticing it. 106

\- These six really know how to put good ideas to bad use. It's no use. 107

\- I don't see as you have much choice, Brittany. 108

\- I'd say that Brittany would be good at Cinemasins, but she just sinned herself. 109

\- Where was he keeping that thing anyway? That's like a human concealing an armored Master Sword in theirback pocket! 110

\- With actual glass, sure. But not with tiny plastic Santa toy accessories. 111

\- I'm fine with these two together. I really am. But if all their dialogue will just be Jeanette making single comment compliments to Simon's wits and Simon awkwardly responding, I'm gonna blow chipmunk chunks. 112

\- (laughs and adds a sin) 113

\- Oh Eleanor, you adorable little token you. I'm willing to knock off a sin because you're just that damn adorable. 112

\- Well, there goes the atheist viewers. They were 15% of the overall audience. 113

\- That is a lie and you know it. 114

\- Are they gonna part ways? No? Dammit. 115

\- Oh Theodore, you adorable little idiot you. I'm willing to blow out a sin because you're an adorable hazard to your species. 114

\- Over The Hedge reference. FOX is officially riding Dreamworks' coattails. 115

\- If you're gonna lie, lie well. Otherwise, shove the thing in your chubby cheeks and book it. 116

\- Alvin is such an asshole, he taunts when he thinks he's alone. He's not alone, and loses his food for his trouble. If only the mango was an apple instead, this scene would be all the more symbolic of Alvin's assholery. *19

\- Vines don't work like that. 117

\- This testicle injury joke is not only disgustingly cliche, but it's rendered OBSOLETE by the fact that Alvin does not have genitals. 118

\- Oh Theodore, you sly stupid smart idiot fat chubby furry cheeseball butterball cute adorable green fuzzy fat sexy abomination you. I was gonna remove another sin, but after that ridiculously long title I gave you, I realize that I've run this ongoing joke into the ground. I've lost interest, so I'll tack on 5 sins to make myself feel better. 123

\- The f*ck? How did you know where he was far enough in advance to set up this trap? How did you know about the chase for the mango to begin with? How does your empty apology make up for smashing Theodore's adorable face in the ground? Three sins! THREE SINS! 126

\- Brittany is a bitch to the asshole. That's some poetic asshole justice. (removes sin) 125

\- These chipmunk movies seem to have an overabundance of hollow trees with knothole doors, when in reality, completely hollowed out trees are f*cking rare. But you know, gotta have some sort of gimmick to host these hilarious chipmunk shenanigans. 126

\- Mangoes don't bounce like that. I don't think anyone working on this movie has ever come in contact with real plants before. 127

\- It's worth mentioning that the Chipmunks and Chipettes have hilarious facial expressions. It's the best thing about their models. But that doesn't excuse the fact that these slow motion shots aren't funny anymore. They're redundant. 128

\- Lord of the Munks. In other words, MORE F*CKING PARODY. 129

\- The irony. 130

\- This improper portrayal of vegetation has got to stop! I'm not even a botanist, and I'm actively angered by this fruity f*ckery! 131

\- We interrupt this movie to bring you the genderbend of Tom Hanks' Cast Away. 132

\- Zoey's hysterical lines are hilarious. She's so entertaining, I'll take off 1 sin for every funny delusional line she has. 131

\- If I was stuck on an island and rodents started singing Lady Gaga to me, I'd off myself because life wouldn't be worth living anymore. 132

\- It technically got awkward when the Chipettes were shaking their fuzzy tails in my face, but whatever. 133

\- Zoey an her clothes are rather clean for someone who's been on a deserted island for nearly a decade. I can't sin it, however, because of the promise I made 3 sins ago. 133

\- (removes sin) 132

\- What's the life expectancy for english-speaking anthropomorphic chipmunks? Hopefully not long enough to warrant a 4th movie. 133

\- (removes sin) 132

\- I believe that UPS would forget an employee, but not a plane full of mail! 133

\- Not really. It was more of a "float on a kite, drift in the ocean, and wash up on a beach" landing. 134

\- The more you say it, the less likely it is to be true. 135

\- Anyone who's ever seen any "alone on an island" story saw this coming from light years away. What I'm wondering is why she conveniently only has one of each type of sports ball. 136

\- I used to think that Jenny Slate was related to Lucas Cruikshank, because of their similar faces, voices, and body movements. I was wrong of course, but I still may never look at Jenny the same again. I also think Lucas Cruikshank would have fit perfectly in this movie because having a squeaky chipmunk voice was his stupid gimmick in his career, and that just raises all kinds of unpleasant thoughts. 137

\- This zip-line bullspit is some bullspit. One person cannot construct a fully functioning zip-line from scratch and raw materials 50 feet above ground, especially not this bumbling psychopath. 138

\- Alvin is such an asshole, he gets his own stick to use as a zip-line harness while the rest of the rodents pack into Zoey's basket. Again, this zip-line bullspit is some bullspit. Alvin's light weight plus the stick's friction on an inclined rope that isn't all that steep equals no zip-lining for you. *20

\- GOOD ROSS ALMIGHTY! GOOD ROSS ALMIGHTY! WITH ROSS AS MY WITNESS, ELEANOR IS BROKEN IN HALF! 139

\- And yet, bad things happen even with your predictions. An intelligent mind is useless without a backbone to support it. 140

\- After seeing their sister/friend fall from what would be the human equivalent to the 8th floor, the other rodents are pretty mellow, and take their sweet ass time getting down to tend to the probably injured or worse Eleanor. 141

\- Cankle. 142

\- (removes sin) 141

\- Simon bitches so much without actually doing something useful to help, he makes me face-palm involuntarily. He's insufferable. I'm almost ashamed that we share the same first name, both frequently wear blue hoodies, and need glasses to see. If my grades were any higher, I'd sue Ross Bagdasarian for infringement. 142

\- And there go the viewers with an illogical fear of spiders. That was 60% of the overall audience. 143

\- Why on earth would you think that? He's given you no reason to think he's changed for the better. The onlydifference is that you two are in a different location.144

\- I don't normally sin cliches, but there's so many here that it had to be done. 145

\- ...Really? 146

\- (flinches when Simon opens his eyes) 147

\- Enter alter-ego subplot. At this point, I'd have lost track of the core focus of the story if there was one.148

\- Simone. I hate that name so much, I'll add a sin everytime I hear it. 149

\- (forced laugh) 150

\- Simone. 151

\- Enter identity crisis and label switching subplot. The laziest of them all. I guess this counts as character development... 152

\- Redundant poetic comeback. 153

\- Dirt. Doesn't. Work like that. 154

\- Oh, right the Chipettes are main characters too. I'd forgotten them until you gave them the same identity crisis and label switching subplot that the Chipmunks got. This proves that the Chipettes are just the Chipmunks with metaphorical vaginas. I can't stress metaphorical enough, because again, none of these things have genitals. 155

\- It seems they're back to the romantic subplot. This is a subplot inside a subplot, and therefore a sin inside a sin. That's like... 2 sins. 157

\- Chipmunk-nage a trois. 158

\- I don't always sin movies for parodying other things, but when I do, it's because the parodies wont f*cking stop. 159

\- Simone. 160

\- Oh Eleanor, you adorable little crip-munk you. Because of you and Theodore, this movie is getting far fewer sins than it deserves. So I'd say that you're helping plenty, Ellie. (removes sin) 159

\- So now Simon compliments Jeanette while she awkwardly swoons instead of vise-versa like before. This role switching plot goes deeper than I thought.160

\- I might not know much about female preferences, but I do know that Jeanette's leaf dresses should be unraveling and falling apart due to all this movement.161

\- Don't you just hate it when your exotic accent doesn't carry over into your singing voice? 162

\- Funny story about this song, this movie introduced me to it. So every time I hear the original version, I think "Man, Simone really let himself go." 163

\- MUD DOESN'T WORK LIKE- Oh, munk it. 164

\- In these movies, it's safe to assume that any gross brown substance is sh*t, rather than mud or raisins.165

\- Enter romantic subplot number 2. I don't mind though, because it's these two. I'll take my 2 sins and shove them up my nose. 163

\- You have sh*t on your face. That makes you thepretty sh*tty one. 164

\- And what attention? She's dancing with Simon, and you and Alvin are the only ones watching. You're about 33% of that attention. Brittany is a bitch. So much so that I'd add a "Brittany Is A Bitch" counter if there was room. So, since I doubt she and Alvin will have their own romantic subplot until the 6th movie, I'll just pool their asshole and bitch points together as a compromise. *21

\- Can I say roll credits? I'm gonna say roll credits. 165

\- Alvin, YOU ARE YOUR FATHER. 166

\- I don't want to see Brittany bathe naked either, but that dress should be ruined by now. 167

\- Why not be the dead one? Is that an option? 168

\- For the first time ever, Brittany has a self realization. Once you have sh*t on your face, you never live that down. 169

\- Unresolved battle of the sexes subplot shows its ugly face again because why the f*ck not. 170

\- Well, by that logic, you're also turned on by the Eiffel Tower and baguette bread. Strangely enough, those are closer to a penis shape than you'll ever get with Simon, because he has no genitals. I'm not letting that go, NONE OF THEM HAVE GENITALS. 171

\- Simone. 172

\- Wow, that green screen is so green screen, I almost green screened. 173

\- Oh Theodore and Eleanor, you adorable OTP you. I'm gonna subtract 2 sins because you're so perfect together. 171

\- "We pissed ourselves" joke is rendered OBSOLETE by the very clear fact that they don't have genitals. Even still, that's disgusting. And a waste of bouncy mangoes. 172

\- Saw that coming. Just didn't expect it to be so over the top, because old log bridges suspended over 111 foot gorges don't work like that. 173

\- JEANETTE! I like to be included. 174

\- Chipnotism. Chipnosis? Chipnotica. 175

\- Movie doesn't even forgive itself for relying onOBSOLETE 2010 memes for comedy, so I won't either.176

\- Not even gonna ask. 177

\- He's right. That brand name is taken. "Ratz" would be more accurate anyway. 178

\- Characters contradict Dave's statements by doing the opposite of what they'd normally do. Yet the only'growth' I see is the migraine I'm getting from all these cliches, subplots, parodies, and lack of genitals. 179

\- Fighting a fictional monster mutt fish underwater? Ice Cube did it first. 180

\- Simone. 181

\- Simone. 182

\- (subtracts sin) 181

\- Simone. 182

\- Remember what I said about the rodents' facial expressions being the best part of their models? I TAKE IT BACK. 183

\- I hope he doesn't mean this waterfall. There is a cave behind a waterfall, but not this waterfall. 184

\- Oh Theodore, you adorable little confused thing with feminine tendencies you. (Removes sin) 183

\- Enter treasure hunt subplot, because f*ck it! We've got 40 minutes until this movie is over, let's have some fun! 184

\- So Zoey was the real villain all along. Also, Chris Brown does the is gay. 185

\- This Alvin vs. random badger sh*t is a waste of time. It means nothing. NOTHING. DELETED scenes exist for a reason, you know. *x5 26

\- That's some architectural bullspit. 186

\- They're suddenly getting along. I hate it! Go back to menacingly pressing your noses together and trying to out bitch each other! 187

\- Innocent character eavesdrops on innocence-shattering conversation. I can already see where this movie is going. 188

\- This is a heartfelt scene that's supposed to make me feel sympathy for Alvin, but it honestly hits too close to home. I also hate him and would love for him to suffer. And the perfect torture I can think of is putting him in an isolated space with 3 attractive females that he's unable to do the sex with due to his lack of genitals.189

\- (laughs and removes a sin) 188

\- And are you implying that Dave would forget about you and your sisters if you were lost? So you're not officially a part of their family? Guys, are the Chipettes relevant to the plot or not?! 189

\- Simone. 190

\- You and me both, doppleganger. 191

\- How the hell did that magical glowing treasure get inthere? 192

\- Prop footprints are too deep to be Ian's. 193

\- Lies! 194

\- Enter romantic subplot number 3. 195

\- And now a VOLCANO comes into play. The creator collective was clearly trying to fit in as many selling points as they could. 196

\- Brittany can jump 5 feet in the air using only her glutes, and the suspension bridge of my disbelief has just collapsed a la Final Destination 5. 197

\- One final hurrah for that identity crisis subplot. 198

\- No, Earl. Understandable mistake, but unacceptable nonetheless. 199

\- Simone. 200

\- Simone. 201

\- EARL! Inclusion again. 202

\- This is the first time he addresses Eleanor directly in the whole movie, and it's done with the expression a wet potato. 203

\- HOT DAMN, Alvin went a whole 57 seconds without speaking while on screen. That warrants a sin removal right there. 202

\- What a lovely scene. And it's a good thing the island decided to stop shaking as to not ruin the mood. 203

\- The Chipettes still call him 'uncle'. That's chip-holm syndrome. 204

\- Zoey is more likely to have testicles than the chipmunks are. 205

\- Alvin stands on Theo and Brittany's work, like an asshole. *27

\- Simone. 206

\- Simone. 207

\- Jeanette's one dimensional thinking led her to be top of her class at the Prometheus school of running away from things. 208

\- That's some convenient bullspit. 209

\- Simone. Times three. 212

\- I'll give this movie credit. It has about... five funny lines that aren't said by Ian or Zoey, which is more than the previous 2 movies had combined. One sin off. 211

\- Simone. 212

\- Simone. 213

\- I take back what I said about Simon not having genitals. There's a vagina where his spine should be.214

\- She's... she-she's on a... on a string. Being lowered by you. 215

\- They're behind a waterfall, sure. But not that one. 216

\- What kind of new hell of inflation fetishes is this? 217

\- Heel Zoey is boring. Go back to being the ironically likable weirdo! 218

\- Oh please, I drew more organized maps than that in my art class. My KINDERGARTEN art class. That mapIS a fake. The fact that you found something of value from it is a delusional accident. 219

\- This shakiness may seem like effects for the volcano, but it's actually because some idiot broke the only camera stand on the set, so they had to film the old fashioned way. 220

\- That's death. 221

\- Simone. 222

\- Roll a portion of the credits. In SLOW MOTION! 223

\- Since Alvin having a deep voice was the only funny thing in the first movie, the writers feel the need to reuse that joke as much as they can, because pandering. 224

\- Zoey is a worse seller than John Cena. 225

\- Dave is the slowest man of his stature to ever mc'guffin. I guess all those years of sleeping all day and drinking all night finally caught up with him. 226

\- Your life is ruined, but not because you missed out on treasure. It's ruined because this is your first major film roll, and you will forever be known as "that crazy girl from the 3rd Chipmunks movie who looks like she could be Fred's sister". 227

\- You really think they'll accept you as their guardian if Dave dies? Sure, they're surprisingly forgiving, and very stupid, sometimes even suicidal, but they're not amnesiacs, and being caged is an unforgettable experience. 228

\- Ew. Sentimentality. 229

\- They are hit by none of this. 230

\- THAT'S what you're worried about? You're in the middle of the f*cking ocean! What about, "Now I'll never get home, or live for more than 2 more weeks, or have genitalia correction surgery so I can have 6 kids with Alvin"? Get your priorities straight! 231

\- Sweet. But that's still attempted murder and temporary slavery. You do that to me, and an apology will get you a buzz-saw kick in the teeth. 232

\- Okay, forgiving someone who wronged you is fine. But giving away an expensive object to that someone who wronged you just because they apologized?Especially when that expensive object was given to you by your first love? Bitches be nutty! 233

\- Simone. Hopefully that's the last time I'll hear that name as long as I live. 234

\- Eh, the moment's gone. 235

\- (And you pimped out Eleanor to people who wanted furry lap-dances for peanuts! PEANUTS!) Yeah, but Zoey literally tried to burn Jeanette, and she received an eexpensive bracelet for her villainy. So get on with that fist bump. 236

\- Helicopter ex-machina! 237

\- You know, this movie is supposed to be about them getting shipwrecked, but not a single ship or chip gets wrecked in this movie. 238

\- Firework and Born This Way mashup with a bit ofMcFadden and Whitehead thrown in there. I know Lady Gaga and Katy Perry have the market cornered for female pop music and very inappropriate clothing, but there are other artists! Sing some Panic! At The Disco!

Actually, don't do that. 239

\- I'll admit, the Chipmunkettes are good singers, but I still prefer Nightcore! 240

\- Moonwalks are hard to animate, and that's why most cartoon characters only do it for about 2 seconds. 241

\- I can only think of how awkward it was for that audience to watch the Chipettes suddenly go off stage in the middle of their performance, get handed off some sparklers from a stage hand, light them, then clumsily climb back up to their platforms to wait for their cue. Of course, this was all edited out for the final taping. 242

\- Instead of getting color-coded stars like the other four, Simon and Theodore are stuck with trashy trampolines. Why do these two always get the jobber work? Did they draw the short sticks or something? I mean sure, the Chipettes are all over as f*ck. And Alvin has to be the center of attention because it's his series, but that doesn't mean the 2 least popular characters should be downgraded. All anthropomorphic chipmunks are created equal, dammit! 243

\- Chipmunk fur is flammable, right? Because I'm pretty sure I saw about 6 sparks hit Eleanor's head. Michael Jackson's got nothing on the Chipmunkettes. Well... Theodore's moonwalk is still terrible. 244

\- All in all, this movie may be better than its predecessors, but that's still not saying much. It still suffers from the same "Can't find an original plot, and can't choose between all the stolen plots" syndrome that the Squeakuel does, and the human character interaction is even worse to boot. I can credit it for restraining most of the crude humor, I mean I can only remember about 2 pee-crap-penis jokes. But that doesn't excuse it's general lack of a real personality. And DAMN, I hate Simone! 245

\- Passive aggressive corporate swindling. 246

\- *28

\- So everything is back to normal, huh? All that identity crisis character development bullspit meant nothing? WHY is this movie an hour and 30 minutes long? 247

\- Again with the head count crap! If you don't see red, there's no need to count the head! 248

\- Alvin is an asshole for screwing with the intercom and confusing these paying patrons. And I'm an asshole because this is something that I'D do. *29

\- Unnecessary stunt double. 249

-For Ross's sake, that trademark ALVIN yell becomes a bigger cop out every movie! I can't believe I'm saying this, but Alvin, you need to do even more maniacal asshole stuff for the signature ALVIN yell to actuallymean something. Yes, I AM calling Alvin an asshole for not being a big enough asshole. *30

\- These are the only movies that actually roll their credits after the title is stated by a character. That's basically a middlefinger to anyone who uses the roll credits joke. 250

Total: 280

Punishment: Chip-sexed (What I've wanted to do ever since I laid my eyes all over on you.)

Nibble for your life! (Alvin chews the rope)

(Chipettes's Conga music is replaced by Bamboleo by the Gypsy Kings)

(Alvin hits the tree crotch-first) Oh, your poor wife!


End file.
